So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
