I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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