She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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