Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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