dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
