She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
