i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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