Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
