Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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