That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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