Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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