Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
