i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
