We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
