Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
