I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
