Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
