are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
