That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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