HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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