Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
