I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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