Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize