We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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