I CAN MOONWALK!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
