If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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