a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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