When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
