I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
