Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
