he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
