So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
