I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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