I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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