I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
