what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
