i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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