I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
