I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
