He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
