I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
