i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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