You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
