dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
