My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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