Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize