The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
