Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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