I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
