oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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