Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
