Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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