I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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