I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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