its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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