wrigley field is MILF paradise
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
