Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
