I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I party with great urgency now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
