She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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