oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize