Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
