Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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