Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
