Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
