listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
