thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
