My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
