Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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