FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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