I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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