he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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