Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
