I heard we made out
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
