Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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