i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I forget how to act sober
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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