You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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