I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
